In my years as a therapist I have worked with a wide range of people experiencing many different emotional or mental health problems. I feel we all experience life and relationships differently and view things from our own individual lens. This lens could be seen as a product of our upbringing and development from childhood to adulthood. This lens understandably may affect our responses and adaptations to current difficulty as it arises in our life and relationships.
Whether there is agreement that distinctions around gender and male or female roles ought to exist, the reality is that most cultures have different expectations of the sexes. These may vary from individual to individual and change over time yet they do exist. Research is now bringing to light the fact that men as a sex face specific emotional and mental issues that society is not readily aware of.
Research studies in the UK indicate:
- Almost three quarters of people who kill themselves are men.
- Around three quarters of adults who “go missing” are men.
- 90% of rough sleepers are men.
- Men are three times more likely than women to become alcohol dependent
- Men are more than twice as likely to use Class A drugs than women and 80% of drug-related deaths occur in men
- Men make up 94% of the prison population and around three quarters of male prisoners suffer from two or more mental disorders
- More than twice as many male psychiatric inpatients are detained and treated compulsorily
- Men commit over three quarters of all violent crime (and are twice as likely to be victims of violent crime)
- Over 80% of children permanently excluded from school are boys
- Men have measurably lower access to the social support of friends, relatives and community
The research indicates men are more likely to be alcohol or drug dependent or commit suicide. In Australia 75% of suicides are men. Being male increases your chances of school failure and being involved in crime or violence. Most missing adults or rough sleepers are men. Most prisoners are men and they suffer from at least one mental disorder. Men are responsible for over 85% of violence.
Societal and biological factors
Theorists recognise traditional gender roles are created within society. Family, peer groups and many public and commercial institutions treat male and female children differently. This leads boys and girls to develop different behaviours and reinforces existing social and cultural ideas of masculinity and feminity.
It could be argued that some of the damaging tendencies commonly seen in men have their roots in the way boys are raised within our society. These more ‘traditional’ tendencies include a lack of emotional expressiveness, the propensity to ‘act out’ emotional distress through violent acts or risky behavior, a reduced willingness to admit vulnerability and seek help. All of these ‘traditional’ male tendencies can impact on a man’s life in many ways.
Some theorists propose the impact of biological factors. Neuroscientists note the evidence of basic structural differences between the male and female brain and hormonal differences between the genders. It is suggested these physical differences increase the tendency for men and women to adopt different psychological attributes. Some argue of the difference in the ‘empathising’ nature of the female brain and the ‘systematising’ nature of the male brain (Baron-Cohen).
However current theory and research in genetics, neuroscience and neurobiology of attachment indisputably recognise the impact of a wide variety of factors in gender behaviour not just societal and biological factors.
One of the factors that can impact on a person’s capacity to cope with emotional pain and distress is a lack of social connections and support. Research shows men have lower access to social support of friends, family and community networks.
Men can find it more difficult to establish and maintain intimate friendships in which they can openly discuss their feelings and personal thoughts or anxieties. This may be due to the societal imprint that ‘big boys don’t cry’ and feelings of shame around expressing vulnerability to their peers. Studies indicate men commonly feel most comfortable expressing their feelings to their wife or long-term partner and this is an important factor in the statistics around the improved mental health and wellbeing of men in long-term stable relationships, particularly marriage.
My therapeutic approach
In my work with men I understand that a wide range of factors, life experience and situations specific and unique to each individual cause their mental health problems. However I do find some recurring issues in men such as confusion or conflicts around how they feel they should be acting, responding or coping with difficulty as it arises in their life. Or issues around what constitutes a male role in their family or relationships and issues around asserting their masculinity. Or feeling overwhelmed by the perceived demands and expectations that are placed on them in their life and relationships.
I have provided therapy to many men who initially attend in a state of crisis, or overwhelm, around their close relationships and life. I have found men often express their state of distress and concern around how to act or respond within their close relationships.
Men naturally may think back to how their father, or grandfather or other male role models handled their life and relationships. Yet the reality is that life is different in the 21st century with a wider range of societal and cultural expectations placed on men and depicted across social media and advertising. There can be a conflict with the more ‘traditional’ male role model of breadwinner, fixer or go-to for solutions and current depictions of male role models within celebrity culture, advertising, marketing and the media.
It’s as though men may not feel equipped with all the tools to meet this complex and fluidly shifting range of expectations. This could understandably create anxiety and confusion around what role are they in and how they ought to be, or act, in this situation: a fixer or an empathiser, a rock or a responder, a source of discipline or compassion. This could develop negative patterns of self-recrimination, rumination and irrational thinking around how they should be or should act. This may then generate more anxiety or even feelings of depression or a sense of dread around upcoming issues or concerns.
This state of confusion and overwhelm around how to act or be in situations may make a man feel powerless and helpless. One of the most helpful areas of therapy can be to help a client separate out all of the ideas and thoughts they have around a specific scenario or situations that have affected them. In a sense the client paints a picture of all the different and opposing thoughts and ideas that are pulling them at one point and explores how reasonable or unreasonable some of them can be. This may help free him up a little from the restrictions around how to be, or respond according to role and more able to establish a sense of how he would like to respond or how he actually feels. Through this unpacking and exploring a client can learn and develop the communication skills that can enable them to manage and cope with difficulty as it arises in their relationships in the future.
Resources
Untold Problems – A review of the essential issues in the mental health of men and boys, David Wilkins Men’s Health Forum 2010